I started writing this post as I was standing in the kitchen making dinner - and having an imaginary conversation in my head with a therapist. Does anyone else do that?
I’m always way more eloquent in my head than I’ve ever been with a therapist in reality. I have tried therapy a few times. Through a series of faults - from both myself and sometimes the therapists - I have never done it long-term. Which always strikes me as ironic given my mother and brother both work in mental health and see firsthand the value therapy offers many people.
So at least once a week, I find myself having conversations with a therapist in my head - always going over the detail of trauma. I think it speaks to having felt a bit muted on this area of my life, due to memory loss and a lot of shame. As I have said recently, the kind of out-there sharing that I’m doing through this Instagram account at the moment is very out of character for me.
These two things - my imaginary therapist and newfound social media voice - seem like indications that now is the right time for me to be opening up like this. Part of me is desperate to be seen and understood, and sharing here has helped me do that.
But I also think this is a sign I’m ready to start looking for a trauma-informed 1:1 yoga or a movement based therapy. Any suggestions or recommendations very much welcome!